I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
