Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
