i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Randomize
