well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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