3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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