He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
