batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
