broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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