Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
