3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
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