Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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