There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
and you fell through a lawn chair
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
