walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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