Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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