I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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