he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
