Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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