I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
