Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
