I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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