Four minutes until I can fart!
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize