No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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