I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
