My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
