No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
