Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
