the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
