How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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