oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Randomize
