I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
