She went from zero to smokin in five shots
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
