I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
