Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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