If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
