you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
