What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
this will be a night to untag.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
