also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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