just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
