yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
We need a shit load of segways right now
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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