Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
