Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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