The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
