Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
