Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
