im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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