I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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