I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
