Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
