TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
