shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
