Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize