You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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