one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
