Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
