just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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