Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
