i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
