I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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