I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
