No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
