she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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