he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I wish they made helmets for livers.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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