yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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