I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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