What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
