I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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